Author’s Note: This piece was originally posted November 19, 2013. Present day commentary is in italics.
Back in college, I had a part-time job providing content support to school administrators attempting to fill out an annual report to continue accreditation of their school (I really need to post more about this job) . My main task from September through April was to troubleshoot problems that school principals encountered in completing this report (sounds much easier than it was).
Most of the time, the callers merely needed guidance on how to answer a specific question (and TBH they were usually stupid questions- amazing how many high school principals could not grasp the concept of an FTE). Other times, questions were of a technical nature and the old “reboot your computer then log back in” trick cleared up most problems (ah- I still use that one with co-workers. 90% of the time it works, thereby avoiding a call to IT).
However, every once in awhile, the questions from callers were so bizarre it was mind boggling that these questions were coming from people whose jobs entailed inspiring children to learn and become productive members of society.
One of my favorite bizarre questions was handled by my co-worker Marta (as with all my posts- not her real name). Marta’s phone call started off normal enough. After the obligatory “hello how may I help you” salutation, Marta’s voice took on a startled and confused tone.
“I’m sorry, sir, can you please repeat your problem? You say that when you hit the Delete All Records button, all the information in your report disappears?”
Marta paused for about 30 seconds before responding. “Sir, can you hold for a moment.” Marta then hit the mute button and announced her phone call to the rest of us in the office.
“Dude, what the hell am I supposed to say to this guy? He’s a principal and wants to know why his report clears out when he hits delete! Does he not know what the word delete means?”
At this point, I was already halfway to the kitchen, laughing all the way. I was just thankful I didn’t have to deal with this particular customer. Our supervisor, patient as ever, suggested to Marta that she just slowly and calmly explain the function of the delete button and advise him not to use the delete button. Her advice worked, and Marta did her best to explain the function of a delete button without patronizing the caller.
Do you have a bizarre question you’ve had to answer on your job? Do tell! Share in the comments.
I’m recovering from the events of the weekend. I finished my final project on Sunday but I’m having nightmares about bad Python code scrolling down my screen at will and wreaking havoc -but life goes on.
Given that my brain is mush and I have to focus on my actual job which has me knee deep on projects that run on not Python I am drawing a blank on current day overused words. Hell I’m drawing a blank on words in general.
However I recently dug up came across this gem of an email I sent myself in 2010. Context: I was frustrated at work, and had just walked out of a meeting with my boss at the time – let’s call him Jim. Jim used no less than 6 of the 10 words/ phrases I outlined below.
Tired of attempts to get actual clarification on my next assignment because answers were given using some combination of the words outlined below, I took a break and typed this up. Enjoy!
Top Ten Most Overused Words/Phrases at …The Company I Worked for in 2010
10. Multi-media – seriously, the word doesn’t the word media by itself imply a wide range of communications?
9. You’re a rockstar! – Really! Hot dog! Someone call my promoter and book me another gig ASAP!
8. That’s awesome! – Is the typical, and only, response from managers when pointing out yet another organizational defect.
7. We’re gonna quick look and send off – And if my quick look doesn’t catch an error then it’s still your fault you didn’t catch an error that I couldn’t possibly have caught either.
6. Round and Round, where it goes… Where its bucketed …no one knows!
5. I’m gonna get my arms around…uh oh, that sounds like a sexual harassment complaint just waiting to happen.
4. In the driver’s seat/ you wanna drive? – No real comment here, just way overused.
3. Organizational restructure – Because we seem to have one of these somewhere in the organization about every 2 months.
2. I envision…a world where I don’t have to hear the word envision.
1. World Class Sales Organization – I don’t really need to comment on this one, do I?
Author’s note: Current day commentary has been added in italics.
Do you work in an office environment (down to a couple of days a week now). Do you typically buy or bring your lunch to work only to eat it at your desk ( used to be no- but there’s no lunchroom on my floor but I have an office now)? If so, here is a friendly piece of advice. If you have trash generated from your lunch, do everyone in your office a favor and throw it away in the trash can located in your company’s lunchroom or kitchen or whatever trash can is farthest away from where you and your co-workers sit (yup I still do this cause I don’t want food trash in my office).
Each day, thousands of workers find themselves relegated to eating lunch at their desk due to:
Lunchrooms that look like they were originally built as bomb shelters and are therefore more depressing than one’s cubicle or office (yup still the case- same building,different company, different floor with now zero accessible breakrooms).
Lack of outdoor seating areas with actual shade.
Smartphone is on the fritz so you haven’t had time to check in on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Tumblr/Pinterest/Foursquare (Twitter now X, idk if ppl still use Foursquare or Tumblr), so you need to use your work computer to let your friends know how completely stupid your dumb boss is because he or she needed your help to figure out how to get in on today’s Groupon deal (no really my boss at the time made me help her with this).
Just too busy and can’t afford the luxury of a lunch hour (this is a basic right, so you should really fight for this one).
Health and workplace experts are always telling us we shouldn’t eat lunch at our desk. Eating at your desk adds germs to your workplace surfaces (seriously wipe down your workspaces weekly with Clorox wipes), and you don’t get a chance to “unplug” and clear your mind, which often times bogs down your afternoon productivity.
Despite the numerous warnings from “experts”, walk into any workplace and you see countless workers hunched over their desk scarfing down whatever they could throw together in their lunchbox before running out the door that morning.
It happens, and I’m not here to lecture people on the hazards of eating at your desk. But if you are a cubicle lunch eater, I want you ask yourself a question. That question is “do I enjoy the smell of rotting trash?”
If you answered “yes” to the above question, just stop reading this blog post right now. Nothing I say will change your mind about your habits.
If you answered “no”, then next time you get ready to throw away that banana peel or can of sardines in the trash can sitting right under your desk, imagine yourself sitting on a mountain of banana peels and sardines. It isn’t a pleasant scenario to imagine, isn’t it. But guess what – the is probably the image that your cubicle neighbor will generate once that sardine can hits the bottom of your stinky trash can.
I know some of you out there might say “but I throw stuff away all the time at my desk and I never smell anything.” To those people, I say liar liar pants on fire. Even though you don’t notice the odor, odors have a way of working through cube walls. Your cube mate didn’t eat clams casino for lunch, so your cube mate didn’t acclimate to the smell and become oblivious to it – you did. The odor from your lunch may not bother you, but it most likely is bothering someone else.
So, my tip is quite simple. Don’t throw away your food trash at your desk. Get some exercise, and walk on over to the lunchroom to throw your trash away in that trash bin. Your co-workers will thank you.( Also, I can’t emphasize this enough, wipe your workspace down with Clorox wipes at least once a week.)
10. I’m absolutely certain that the square root of 4 is 2.
9. I’m absolutely certain that every 10 seconds, another 10 seconds has passed.
8. I’m absolutely certain that I’ll never visit the Republic of Cabo Verde because the idea of being surrounded simultaneously by water and volcanoes is not my idea of a good time.
7. I’m absolutely certain I’ll use the restroom today.
6. I’m absolutely certain that my yard contains dirt.
Also- contains grasshoppers in the summertime.
5. I’m absolutely certain that I’ll be uncertain about some things.
4. I’m absolutely certain that despite my best efforts, pockets of uncertainty will cause anxiety and I’ll have to remind myself not to get all stressed out over unimportant things.
Let’s keep things in perspective. If you die on the job, you’ll be forgotten by next week.
3. I’m absolutely certain that Garfield the Cat hates Mondays. As does most of the working world.
2. I’m absolutely certain that “the sun will come up, tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun.” I’m not into musical theater but even I know this song lyric and hey, it speaks truth.
Yes this is a sunset, not a sunrise, but the sun has to set before it can rise again. Also, this was my first attempt at painting last year. I’m certainly not a professional but it was fun painting this.
1. I’m absolutely certain that there more life lessons in store for me.
Security or Adventure? To be or not to be? Those are questions that have plagued humans since the dawn of time. IDK if that’s true it just sounded good. So to answer the prompt- well duh I want both security AND adventure.
Seriously WordPress, this is a formula failure of epic proportions. Instead of an OR statement this is an AND statement.
I need security to, oh I don’t know, pay my bills, take care of family or have any sense of responsibility. It might sound boring but geez we can’t be all bungee jumping all over the place 24/7 and expect to not have a crap ton of health bills because of broken bones have any type of rest or relaxation or inner peace. All adventure all the time is tiring. I know. Because I’ve gone through pockets of time where I overscheduled too much adventure and after awhile it sucks.
At the same time, adventure is needed to break up monotony of the day to day and expand our experiences. Adventure doesn’t have to be some expensive vacation, like a safari trip or scaling the side of a tall building. You can actually sprinkle adventure through your day.
Like for example, the building I work in was recently bought by a private financial services firm that wanted to move into the building and they thought “huh- let’s just buy the building – how hard can it be to run a building? (idiots).” But whatever- so I’d been hearing stories about the new building owner who sounded like quite a character. I got a tip the owner was outside smoking away while taking a cell phone call with his lawyer after parking his car on a public sidewalk experiencing some parking issues. So I’m like- I’ve got, GOT, to check this out. I nonchalantly walked outside and pretended to be looking at my phone when I reality I was eavesdropping (wasn’t hard- the dude was talking LOUDLY) and taking surveillance photos. I won’t post those here even though it’d be hilarious as the dude was basically wearing sweats while chain smoking and demanding answers on several things from his lawyer.
After a few minutes of playing spy, I decided to take a circuitous route to get back to the building entrance by ducking into another business. What do you know, the building owner went the opposite direction and ended up in the same area without any awareness that he’d been observed for the past 10 minutes. I did nothing with the information I gathered, but it was a fun adventure pretending to live out my real dream job of being a private investigator.
But see, adventure is only special if it’s on occasion or in small doses. Like everything, adventure is best experienced in moderation.
No adventure = no fun.
Too much adventure = fun then no fun.
Some adventure = fun.
Let me know if you agree or disagree in the comments below. If you’re a PI, convince me I should switch careers.
Authors Note: Reading through this, much of this material still holds today in 2024 and if anything, has just illustrated how this particular social media site has gone downhill.
Maintaining a career in these modern times is difficult. Between the economy and the rapid pace of technology, some industries are shrinking while others are expanding. Those of you actively job-hunting know that competition is stiff for jobs. Those of you who aren’t actively job-hunting are being encouraged to network, network, network to keep your name and credentials out there in case you do find yourself unemployed.
These days, many hiring managers don’t just rely on the references you provide them to check your credentials and background. No, like everything else technology has added rather than reduced a layer of stress to a process in our day to day lives. Now, hiring managers often run your name through their search engine of choice and expect to find you on at least one of the major social media sites.
While Facebook has been used by some as way to network professionally, more and more people have joined Linkedin to maintain their professional profile. Linkedin is pretty much the buttoned up, watered down version of Facebook.( Author’s note: Now in 2024- the posts are basically FB lite. Just check out https://www.reddit.com/r/LinkedInLunatics/ for proof. ) Now, I to this day refuse to join Facebook (still refuse) but I did reluctantly join Linkedin about two years ago (2011- so present day 13 years) after being successfully browbeaten by numerous business articles insisting that one simply MUST be on Linkedin to grow one’s career.
Aside from collecting co-workers like baseball cards on the website, you are supposed to join groups and post comments on forums to flex your expertise in your chosen career. Most of us on Linkedin however, rely on the “let’s just connect with as many people as possible” strategy in the hopes that the more your name pops up on contact lists, the more likely some recruiter will find you and offer you your dream job.
Two years into being a member of Linkedin, I’ve yet to move onto my “dream” career (still haven’t but current role gets me closer). Instead, I’ve been hunted down by recruiters strong arming me into interviewing for lateral positions which would lengthen my commute by 15 miles only to be contacted by another recruiter who called me about two potential job opportunities then never called me back (LOL all still holds true today). I have had better luck with applying to positions directly via a company’s website. I’ve had a 75% success rate in obtaining an interview this way, but alas the jobs I’ve interviewed for weren’t quite a good fit for me.
At times I’ve thought about deleting my profile (still think about doing this). Yet I remain. Why? Well, because the one perk of remaining on Linkedin is that you can spy on your co-workers.
Now, before I elaborate on this point, let me say that there are many nuisances on Linkedin. For one thing, when you log into your homepage, Linkedin will feature 4-5 business articles ( not sure they do this anymore).
In addition, you will find that several of your connections have also posted links to business articles they feel you should read. While this doesn’t sounds so bad, having so many business articles grouped together illustrates how most business articles just rehash the same crap over and over.
Once in awhile, you might see an article that shows promise.
An open bar in the office? So now my coworkers can annoy me while sober AND drunk!
On the downside, you have to wade through numerous “5 Reasons You Suck at Your Job” or “Why Top Companies Won’t Be Hiring this Quarter” or “Why Trend X is No Longer Trendy” type of articles.
Really? The job market is experiencing slow growth? The devil you say!
Do you really need an article to spell this out for you? After the initial “honeymoon” period on a new job, it’s been my experience that 2:1 you probably do work for a stupid company.
I don’t even know who or what Huawei is. Thank you Linkedin, for making me feel stupid.
After you wade through dry business articles posing as trendy advice columns, Linkedin will try to recommend jobs that you should apply for. Problem is, these jobs recommendations as far as I can tell are based on keywords from the job titles in your work history. So if you are trying to switch careers, these recommendations won’t be helpful. Also, 50% of the job recommendations I receive are for sales jobs I am not remotely qualified to apply for (still true- which tells me LinkedIn’s algorithm still sucks after all these years).
Sales Manager III? Wow, I’ve never even held a sales job in a retail store, let alone field sales.
Another annoying aspect of Linkedin is that it likes to remind you of how long you’ve been trapped at your current place of employment. The real kick in the teeth is when your co-workers chime in to rib you about it.
Once you get past all this, you can find some good stuff on Linkedin. For example, you realize even that the senior level manager who sits down the hall from you is also ashamed to work for the company and recently changed his job title on Linkedin to identify himself professionally as an improv actor.
The next fun feature is uncovering lies your co-workers tell about their work experience. You see, Linkedin profiles are essentially resumes. This allows you to rifle through the BS they’ve been using to pad their resumes.
Senior Analyst
Company X
Public Company; 1001-5000 employees;
March 2010 – June 2011 (1 year 4 months)
Weekly forecasting of revenue and analysis of weekly changes and variances to budget, forecast and year over year variance.
Resulted in increase in accuracy from 75% to 95%+ with detailed explanation of variances. Really, because after you were fired, our director was still yelling about how you didn’t know what the hell you were doing this whole time.
Creation of analytic model. Analysis and reporting of sales data including year over year analysis, gap analysis, forecasting and variance analysis. Yeah, we scrapped any and all reports you developed and instead put together analyses that were actually useful to management.
When you are checking out another person’s profile, Linkedin gives you a rundown of other profiles people checked out after reading the same profile you are looking at. Sometimes this information can be telling about who else you are lumped in with professionally.
Note: All profile pics shown in this blog post are clipart photos EXCEPT for the Hooters girl above. That’s the actual pic on Linkedin. No, really. I just stuck a red dot on her face to protect her identity outside the Linkedin universe, but somehow I don’t even think it matters.
This leads me to another interesting point about Linkedin. This is supposed to be a professional networking site. Linkedin encourages you to use a professional photo to establish yourself as a credible expert in whatever it is you do. Yet some people still don’t get it. As a result, you’re likely to come across the following profile pics:
The Children – numerous people post a picture of their kids instead of themselves.
Random Object – some people post a pic of an object or symbol instead of a photo.
Guess which one I am – Then again, some people opt to include a picture of themselves…among a crew of others.
In addition to the fun features I’ve shown above, you can also endorse the skills and write recommendations for people you know. This is great if your boss or a co-worker check off endorsements on your profile or write a glowing recommendation. This is not so great if the endorsement or recommendation comes from your mom or your spouse.
In a nutshell, despite the dry business discussions and overt lies found within the pages of Linkedin, it does provide some chuckles and helps you keep tabs on the people you work with everyday. It’s an easy way to maintain an online presence for career purposes. If used correctly, you can use Linkedin solely for business contacts and then promote the fun stuff, like your personal blog, for your other social media sites. (Author’s Note: RIP Twitter.)
Any vacation is memorable as long as you are not working or checking in with work or thinking about work. ‘Nuff said.
I also advocate for taking at least a lunch break during the working day, which can be thought of as mini vacations. Taking a walk or even stepping outside your home or office for a few minutes can do wonders.
If you work in office, try to find green spaces nearby to walk around or even just sit for a few minutes and enjoy the quiet.
Here are some of my mini vacations when working at the office. These were all taken within the past two weeks.
So I know some of you are thinking -” uh isn’t it hot in Phoenix right now”. Yes! So your next question might be “how are you outside walking around taking photos?!” Well- because when I am in the office, the air conditioning is set much lower than I’m used to so I need to dethaw by mid-day and it takes a good 10-15 minute jaunt around the area to do that!
Ok so for me the motivation to get out and take a break is two fold- mental AND physical health/comfort. Because feeling like a popsicle all day is completely unproductive.
Also notice – we still have greenery in the dead of summer!
Heritage Square Downtown Phoenix Arizona Center Downtown Phoenix Virginia G. Piper Plaza Downtown Phoenix
I listen to too many genres and subgenres to pick a favorite. Since this blog is related to coping with on the job tomfoolery, my answer is curated to playlists that keep me calm focused when I have things I don’t want to work on important deadlines or I’m cleaning up other people’s messes I’m solving complicated tasks that require diplomacy and concentration.
Below are some playlists that help me retain my sanity focus during work hours. All links are to YouTube playlists, because it’s free.
-Playlists of Erik Satie’s Gymnopedies or Gnossiennes on a loop. These are instrumental piano pieces that I find both calming and beautiful and stop me from typing out my real thoughts by email increase my patience.
– Blue Lines by Massive Attack. A classic from the British Trip Hop collective. The variety of the songs from start to finish hold my interest yet simultaneously allows me to focus.
I have a number of personal playlists as well that feature other genres than shown above but these are my defaults when I don’t feel like sifting through my personal collection and just want to hit play and go.
How does your musical tastes differ from work to your off time? Or is it the same?
1. You have to go to the restroom on another floor because the one you use is being cleaned. It takes you 5 minutes upon returning to your desk to realize…you aren’t sitting at your desk but the desk of the putz whose desk is in the same location as yours on this floor.
2. You can’t wait to get home and finish constructing that voodoo doll of your manager.
3. You’ve run out of people in your company to which you can assign *delightful* nicknames.
4. You’re happy to get picked for jury duty.
5. You’ve secretly put together background checks on all your co-workers “just in case”.
As mentioned in the previous post, I deleted the first few months of this blog back in November 2012 and started “fresh”. After looking up some of my posts via the Wayback Machine, I have no effing clue why I did that. So… each week I will bring you a “From the Archives” to republish the deleted posts I’m able to find. Rather than inserting a JPEG file of a screen snip from the Wayback Machine, I’m doing a copy/paste as several of the images attached to these archives show up as broken links on the Wayback Machine.
This post is self-explanatory. 🙂 However, I’d be interested to know if you struggled with naming your blog? Also, do my ideas below give you any ideas?
Weed Puller Weekly: Sharing the Woes of an Unruly Lawn
Dashboard Diva: Unleashing the Awesome Citrus Power of Dashboard Reporting
NYT June Crossword Hero: Helping You Solve the June 1st, 2012 New York Times Crossword, One Clue at a Time
My Favorite Marshmallow: Inspecting Bags of Marshmallows in the Hopes of Finding “The One” that Resembles Something.
Stoopid Guy Fieri Fans: Mocking Guy Fieri Fans Across the Globe. This one was rejected for the obvious reason that if you are a Guy Fieri fan, you already have enough problems in life than to be mocked by some blogger.
unfrazzled analyst 