Exploding Eggs

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.

When I saw this prompt, I immediately thought of an incident during my sophomore year of high school. 

On a sunny spring Saturday afternoon, I arrived home from the library just minutes before my mom was about to come home for lunch (she worked on Saturdays during that time).  I immediately began reading one of the books I had checked out.  It was a very funny book, and I was completely immersed in the silliness of the story.  When my mom came home a few minutes later, she was grouchy a tad irritable and tired from work. As she was preparing herself an egg salad sandwich, she was telling me about how her day had been so far.  She then began to express her disappointment that I had not done anything to clean up the house.  

“Nicole, this place looks like an absolute mess!  I cannot believe that you have been here most of the morning and haven’t done anything!  You could have at least vacuumed and washed dishes!  But you didn’t even do that!”

Cleaning was the last thing I felt like doing that day. I reminded her that no, I hadn’t been home all day- that in fact, I had ventured out to the library. She was not amused by my response.

“Well, that is just great.  However, tomorrow is Easter, and I would like this place to look clean for the holiday. ”

Wanting to avoid a discussion of chores with her I returned to reading my book in the living room.  About five minutes later, I decided that I had better say goodbye to my mother before her lunch break ended.

When I found her, she was brushing her dark, curly hair over the bathroom sink.  I told her that I would try to get some chore done in the afternoon.  I then went back to the living room to continue reading my book.  As my mother rushed out the door, she mentioned something about the kitchen.  I was so immersed in the book that I did not catch what she had said.  I then decided to retreat to my room.  I pulled my light brown hair into a ponytail, and changed out of my jeans and into some gym shorts so I could relax.  I continued reading my book.

An hour passed, and I was still reading.  Just as I was about to turn the page, I heard a loud noise.  It sounded like an explosion, and it seemed to resonate throughout the house.  I did not react right away.  I merely looked up from the book and looked out of my bedroom window.

 A minute passed before I became curious about the cause of the noise.  I slowly stood up and sauntered over to the living room.  Thinking that the noise had come from outside, I walked over to the window and carefully pushed aside the beige curtains.  I slowly lifted up one slat from the venetian blinds that covered the inside of the window.  Nothing within my view seemed to be out of place.  Having not discovered anything, I decided to walk back to my room.  While strolling back to my room, I glanced at the kitchen.  I stopped dead in my tracks.

“AAAAAHHHHHHHH!”   I shouted.  The kitchen was covered in egg particles.  I slowly crept into the kitchen to survey the damage.  There was cooked egg yolk clinging to the walls, the stove, and the countertops.  There were pieces of eggshells scattered all over the kitchen tile.  I then began to piece together the chain of events. 

We were going to color eggs that night.  The eggs she used for her sandwich came from the eggs that had been boiled to color for Easter.  My mother set two eggs to boil to replace the ones she had used.  Before she left for work, she was trying to tell me to shut the stovetop burner off in a few minutes. 

I was in awe of how two measly eggs could make such a gigantic mess.  I did not want my mom to see this mess.  I stared at the clock.  It read two-thirty.  My mom would be home at five.  I had two and one half-hours to make the kitchen look spotless.

I quickly pulled cleaning products out from under the kitchen sink: Ajax, Clorox, and Windex.  I grabbed the broom, a cleaning sponge, and some paper towels.  I  thoroughly swept the floor.  I could smell an odor floating throughout the kitchen, thanks to the eggs. 

I opened all of the windows, turned on all of the fans to high, and lit three incense sticks to get rid of the odor.  I then sprayed a deodorizer all over the kitchen and dining room.  Then, using a knife, I began scraping egg off the walls. 

I was frustrated because the eggs were not coming off the walls very easily.  Using a dark green scouring pad, I vigorously scrubbed the tops of the counters and stove.

An hour had passed, and I still had a considerable amount of damage to clean up.  I had not even begun to clean the kitchen tile.  I must have swept the floor at least three times.  Each time I swept, I discovered more egg particles.  

I decided to pull the stove away from the wall.  To my dismay lay many more egg particles.   I was beginning to think that this was a lost cause.  What really bugged me about the whole situation was that I could have prevented it if I had just listened to what my mom was telling me for five measly seconds.  

Another hour passed, and the kitchen was finally back to normal.  In fact, the only thing I had left to do was rewash the clean dishes that had been drying on the kitchen counter next to the sink.  I wanted to make sure that all evidence of the explosion was history.  I even boiled two more eggs to make up for the two that blew up.  I was proud of myself.  The kitchen was spotless, and I had fifteen minutes to spare.  

My mother came home at exactly five thirty.  The first thing she noticed was the kitchen.  She was so surprised that I had meticulously cleaned the kitchen.  Seeing the kitchen in such a spotless condition immediately brightened up her mood. 

I decided to forgo telling her about my afternoon of fun.  I eventually did- months later and she laughed her head off at me. I also convinced my mom to spring for an egg cooker upon telling her this story. 🤣

From the Archives: Just Delete It.

Author’s Note: This piece was originally posted November 19, 2013. Present day commentary is in italics.

Back in college, I had a part-time job providing content support to school administrators attempting to fill out an annual report to continue accreditation of their school (I really need to post more about this job) .  My main task from September through April was to troubleshoot problems that school principals encountered in completing this report (sounds much easier than it was).

Most of the time, the callers merely needed guidance on how to answer a specific question (and TBH they were usually stupid questions- amazing how many high school principals could not grasp the concept of an FTE).  Other times, questions were of a technical nature and the old “reboot your computer then log back in” trick cleared up most problems (ah- I still use that one with co-workers. 90% of the time it works, thereby avoiding a call to IT).

However, every once in awhile, the questions from callers were so bizarre it was mind boggling that these questions were coming from people whose jobs entailed inspiring children to learn and become productive members of society.

One of my favorite bizarre questions was handled by my co-worker Marta (as with all my posts- not her real name).  Marta’s phone call started off normal enough.  After the obligatory “hello how may I help you” salutation, Marta’s voice took on a startled and confused tone.

“I’m sorry, sir, can you please repeat your problem?  You say that when you hit the Delete All Records button, all the information in your report disappears?”

Marta paused for about 30 seconds before responding. “Sir, can you hold for a moment.” Marta then hit the mute button and announced her phone call to the rest of us in the office.

“Dude, what the hell am I supposed to say to this guy? He’s a principal and wants to know why his report clears out when he hits delete!  Does he not know what the word delete means?”

At this point, I was already halfway to the kitchen, laughing all the way.  I was just thankful I didn’t have to deal with this particular customer. Our supervisor, patient as ever, suggested to Marta that she just slowly and calmly explain the function of the delete button and advise him not to use the delete button.  Her advice worked, and Marta did her best to explain the function of a delete button without patronizing the caller.

Do you have a bizarre question you’ve had to answer on your job? Do tell! Share in the comments.

Bus Stop or Secret Agent Meeting Place?

What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

View other responses

I know this prompt came out days ago, but it fits a recent search I did that has yet to produce results. While in Cape May, NJ I spotted several of these booths near the US Coast Guard campus.

This appears to be a bus shelter, but… there were no “Bus Stop” signs anywhere, nor did I see a public bus during my time in Cape May. Similar shelters were jutting into front lawns of duplexes and houses and had no smoking signs.

If you zoom in on this one, you’ll see a green station for poop bags (along with a garbage can to deposit said bags) which has nothing to do with the booth but I just wanted to point that out.

What really piqued my interest was the numbers on the outside of the booths. This has a blue “1” on the front. As I progressed down this same street I saw more booths sequentially numbered (2, 3, 4, etc…). The last booth I saw was number 8.

My search started with an image search of this- which led to image results of bus shelters not in Cape May, that all had bus signs nearby and were NOT numbered. I tried “bus shelters Cape May”, “marked bus shelters New Jersey”, “marked booths Cape May” well you get the gist of what I’ve been googling.

So far the only information my search has produced is that it’s not uncommon for bus stops in NJ to be in front of someone’s front lawn, according to the NJ Transit FAQ.

IDK if I would have the patience for this if I had a bus stop in front of my house.

However interesting this may be, I’ve yet to confirm this particular booth or outdoor shelter is for a bus stop. Being a storyteller- the possibilities of what this could be are swimming through my head.

If you know what this is or simply have a creative answer to what this could be, drop me a note in the comments section!

Smurfing Good TV

Daily writing prompt
What TV shows did you watch as a kid?

As a kid of the 80’s, Saturday morning cartoons were it. Living out west where everything seems to air early, the ONE cartoon show I woke up early every Saturday to see – I’m talking like 5-6am depending on the time of year- was THE SMURFS!

My attempt at making some type of 80s design of a Smurf moving through dimensions.

The allure of the Smurfs for me #1 was the humor. The way “smurf” was used numerous ways as a verb. Jokey Smurf and his exploding presents. For some reason I thought it was the funniest thing ever. #2 was the overall look- the bright colors of the mushroom capped world of the Smurfs drew me in. #3 was the adventures these little blue guys went on each episode- usually to defeat Gargamel.

The world of the Smurfs fasicnated me and entertained me. I’d also make a case that the Smurfs are responsible for my addiction appreciation of coffee. Given that the show aired so early on Saturdays, as soon as I was old enough to reach the coffee maker on the counter, I learned out how brew a pot of coffee and pour myself a cup. There was something magical about sitting at the glow of the TV when it was still dark outside on Saturday mornings sipping on an hot cup of coffee whilst the incessant Smurf chant of the Smurfs theme song LAH- LAH, LA LAH LA LAAAH, LAH LAH LAH LAAAH LA floated out of the TV.

Those were good times.

Overused Phrases 2010 Edition

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

I’m recovering from the events of the weekend. I finished my final project on Sunday but I’m having nightmares about bad Python code scrolling down my screen at will and wreaking havoc -but life goes on.

Given that my brain is mush and I have to focus on my actual job which has me knee deep on projects that run on not Python I am drawing a blank on current day overused words. Hell I’m drawing a blank on words in general.

However I recently dug up came across this gem of an email I sent myself in 2010. Context: I was frustrated at work, and had just walked out of a meeting with my boss at the time – let’s call him Jim. Jim used no less than 6 of the 10 words/ phrases I outlined below.

Tired of attempts to get actual clarification on my next assignment because answers were given using some combination of the words outlined below, I took a break and typed this up. Enjoy!

Top Ten Most Overused Words/Phrases at …The Company I Worked for in 2010


10. Multi-media – seriously, the word doesn’t the word media by itself imply a wide range of communications?


9. You’re a rockstar! – Really! Hot dog! Someone call my promoter and book me another gig ASAP!


8. That’s awesome! – Is the typical, and only, response from managers when pointing out yet another organizational defect.


7. We’re gonna quick look and send off – And if my quick look doesn’t catch an error then it’s still your fault you didn’t catch an error that I couldn’t possibly have caught either.


6. Round and Round, where it goes… Where its bucketed …no one knows!


5. I’m gonna get my arms around…uh oh, that sounds like a sexual harassment complaint just waiting to happen.


4. In the driver’s seat/ you wanna drive? – No real comment here, just way overused.


3. Organizational restructure – Because we seem to have one of these somewhere in the organization about every 2 months.


2. I envision…a world where I don’t have to hear the word envision.


1. World Class Sales Organization – I don’t really need to comment on this one, do I?

From the Notebook

This weekend, I’m finishing up my final project for a post-grad certificate program I’ve been enrolled in since January of this year. I’m currently knee deep in executing Python code to create a model that will assign a database of IT support tickets into different categories. Fun stuff! So while I’m busy working in a Jupyter notebook, I thought to keep thing moving along on my blog, I’d share some work from another notebook.

Sophomore Yr English Poetry Notebook ca. 1996

My sophomore year English instructor had us put together a notebook of our work over the fall and spring semesters. I didn’t have a computer at home at the time, so I remember working on this during my lunch break in the school’s computer lab. I don’t know why I chose a cursive font but whatever! She was nice enough to package our work in a spiral bound and laminated notebook, which I still have today.

I’ll share page 6 as it contains 1) a poem about summertime 2) a limerick and 3) a haiku.

It’s not award winning work, but hey I was 16 when I wrote these. The limerick still cracks me up- which tells me my humor has not changed much since I was in high school.

This Page 6 …not that other Page Six.

Seasons Poem

The hot blazing sun.

Its rays beam down to the Earth like a laser.

The days seem to last an eternity.

Patiently I wait for cool breezes.

As I step onto the sizzling sidewalk , I wonder

Will this hellish weather ever end?

Finally, I see a yellow leaf floating to the ground

As the wind travels through the cool night air.

Note: After reading this, the yellow leaf could be from a dead tree- you know- that died from the summer heat. The cool night air indicates the shift from summer to not summer but not yet fall. So, probably late August, early September.

Limerick

There once was a kid who had a dog.

One day the dog chased after a frog.

While running down the street.

A car the dog did meet.

And got squashed because of a dumb little frog.

Haiku

The clouds move swiftly

Fluffy and round, always moving

Stretched out in the sky

Fluffy clouds moving through the sky.

Have you recently come across any creative projects from years ago? Did it surprise you to revisit your work?

Let’s Laugh Together

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

I don’t expect my blog will bring big changes to the world but I do hope my blog resonates with at least a few people.  By no means would I say I’ve had a “hard” life but at the same time I had to endure experiences early on that others in my peer group have yet to navigate.

As such, I’ve always found humor or made my own humor in everyday life. I also like to stop and observe. I look for the details in the outdoors, at the grocery store, in my neighborhood – basically I’m always on the lookout for the interesting among the mundane.

This blog allows me to:

1) Share my experiences through the lens of humor to add levity to everyone’s day.

2) Disseminate the interesting among the mundane.

One of my goals for this blog is to create a safe space for discussion. In time I hope more of you chime in and comment on your experiences or at least share slices of your life that come to mind after reading something here. Let’s laugh at the absurd together!

Like This But Different

Daily writing prompt
Describe your life in an alternate universe.

I imagine my life in an alternate universe would be similar to the Futurama Episode “The Farnsworth Parabox” wherein the Planet Delivery crew encounters their counterparts in an alternate universe. The lives of their counterparts are similar, differentiated only by decisions made through a coin toss.

Coin Toss Outcomes

In the alternate universe, the coin toss had the opposite outcome, thereby all decisions made by the alternate universe Planet Delivery crew were the exact opposite of the “regular universe” Planet Delivery Crew.

Photo source: https://futurama.fandom.com/wiki/The_Farnsworth_Parabox

A blue Zoidberg and a gold Bender? Not a universe I want to be in.

I don’t live in NYC in the year 3000, so I’m not by any means saying my life would be anything like life depicted in Futurama. Rather my assumption is that an alternate universe is a slight aberration from the universe we know. That things would be similar enough to recognize just off center. It’s really hard to speculate what this version of me would look like (since I already seem to walk the line between personality types as it is).

Following the Futurama model, the difference would be something like:

-When the electric company offered to give me a free tree for my yard I’d have chosen a Willow Acacia instead of a Desert Willow.

-I would have graduated college in 4 years instead of 5 and probably be one year closer to the grave because I would have had one more year in the workforce than I do now instead of spending that extra year ditching my classes and leaving my campus job early to go wander around the mall (we still have a few that are alive and kicking), take 2 hour lunch breaks then go watch reruns of Most Extreme Challenge with my bestie at the time before doing some actual homework.

-Or maybe I would have been a slightly less curious 4 year old and decide not to dismantle my family’s new CD player which lead to me getting my hand stuck in said CD player which permanently disfigured my right middle finger. Which sounds boring- I think I’d miss the slight scar that faintly lines the area under the nail bed.

From this perspective, discussing the alternate universe isn’t that interesting at all!

This is what a CD player would look like in an alternate universe. Forget Sony or Panasonic- the Dot brand ruled the compact disc player market in my alternate existence.

The IRL Alternate Universe Experience

I’ve been crafting this post off and on all afternoon and evening. In between piecing this disaster of a post together, I also had some brief discussions about high school reunions. I’d rather not discuss why that topic popped, other than to say it’s a constant topic in my household right now. And in thinking back to my one high school reunion, it was my taste of life in an alternate universe.

Before I crap on this experience, let me say I didn’t hate high school, but I didn’t love it either. It was very “meh”. To me it just felt like a holding pattern I had to endure before I could enter the sunny skies and grassy lawns of university life. I floated between social groups on campus as my actual friends went to different high schools all over the eastern part of the county.

I debated whether I should go. My mom somehow convinced me to attend. She had a completely different high school experience so to her, why wouldn’t I go? Against my better judgment I bought a ticket. Since I sunk $40 into this, now I had to go.

First, out of a graduating class of approximately 1250 students, I’d say maybe 300 showed up. There were 3 feeder junior high schools that comprised my high school. Of the people I associated with, they all went to 2 of the 3 junior high schools. So guess which junior high most of the attendees were from… just take a big guess.

Throughout the 2 arduous hours I could stomach evening, I recognized 6 people. SIX. At one point, I wondered if I had attended some other high school’s reunion. Or maybe it was my high school but the wrong year. But no, the signage everywhere listed the correct high school and graduation year.

To add insult to injury, this one overly enthusiatic women who I’ll call Lindsey because I do not remember her name walked up to me had the audacity to ask me”are you sure you were part of our class? Why don’t I know you?”

To be fair I had no effing clue who she was either but I still – I found her remark to be rude but I decided to have some fun with this. I told her I ran into some trouble with during my junior year and had to finish out my high school career via correspondence courses as I was in the witness protection program until my first year in college. The look on her face was priceless.

During the dinner, which thankfully the food make up for the $40 I sunk into this evening, a video presentation ran in the background. I recognized the backdrop of my school but I didn’t recognize ANYONE in any of the photos shown in the presentation.

I stayed maybe 20 minutes after eating dinner and called it a night. I stayed long enough to say I’d attended but I couldn’t wait to leave. I managed to make small talk witht the handful of people I did recognize but I had zero things in common with any of these people that even the small talk was pure torture.

I felt so uncomforable the whole time I was there, that it definitely felt like an alternate universe! Kinda like- what would this school had been like had I not gone there. The memories I had of high school were nonexistent at that reunion. It was definitely a bizarre experience. I like to say I’ll never say never, but I can confidently say I’ll never go to another high school reunion!

The Off Hours

List 30 things that make you happy.

  1. Taking Paid Time Off (PTO).
  2. Taking PTO to stay home and do nothing – er- work on various personal projects.
  3. Taking PTO to shop during the weekday and avoid people.
  4. Taking PTO to visit outdoor spaces in my area.
  5. Taking PTO to discover new things.
  6. Taking PTO to sleep in past 5am.
  7. Taking PTO to spend time with family and friends. Pets included.
  8. Taking PTO to dig holes in my yard. No correlation to item 7.
  9. Taking PTO to sit quietly in my yard. Or swim.
  10. Weekends.

Multiply the above by 3. Done.

Yeah it’s a real sacrifice to stay home and spend time in my yard.

A Typical Commute to the Office

Daily writing prompt
Was today typical?

What is a typical day? Is up down? Why ask why? All kidding aside, this is an interesting question for me because something I’ve come to realize is that each week reveals itself to have its own personality, and within each week, the seven days in between feel typical compared within that week, but can very easily feel atypical when compared to another week.

Even the magic 8 ball is against me. “Is today a typical day?” “My sources say no.”

If this all sounds convoluted- it is! One of the reasons I blog is to document my “mundane” experiences – because apparently my “mundane” experiences sound made up. If only! The expression truth is stranger than fiction definitely applies to my everyday living.

Rather than describe my current day, I’ve opted to talk about one of my commuter experiences from 2021 that was typically atypical for me. It was August, and was reporting for duty into the office a few days a week after being comfortably productive nearly 18 months in a magical palace I call “home”.

At this point, it was week 3 of going into the office. As I stood at the side of the busy road, waiting in the hot (90 degrees at 7am) and relatively humid rays of the early morning August sun, I thought “what better time of year to start commuting again.”

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

Nothing wakes me up faster than gasoline fumes from passing cars amidst the beaming sunlight of a typical August morning.

While standing at the bus stop, I noticed an ant hill near me. Great. I paced around to avoid the ants. Last thing I needed was to have ants crawl up me. As I paced, one of my neighbors who works for the county walked up- let’s call him Gene. Gene walked up and expressed joy that he had not missed the bus.

“I ran like hell yesterday because the bus driver showed up 5 minutes early”. Luckily for Gene, I recently discovered that the local bus company now had an app that could track where the bus was in real time. I demonstrated the app to Gene and forgot about pacing around to avoid the ants. Before I knew it, the bus was here.

During the “before” time, I would have been lucky to board at this point as the bus was usually packed by the time we reached the park and ride- the last stop before heading into the freeway. During the “return to office that only my company and a handful of county offices seemed to enforce in 2021” time, it was pretty much myself, Gene and maybe 3-4 other people on the bus ride into work. Which meant I could sit anywhere and be far away from anyone.

I plopped down in a seat towards the back of the bus. As the bus pulled away from the stop,  I glanced down at my sneakers and noticed a handful of ants crawling around on my shoelaces. I quickly brushed them off with my hand. At that point I figured I must have stood too close to the ant hill when I wasn’t pacing around. No big deal – just a few ants.

I then turned my head  towards my left leg and froze in absolute terror- my pant leg was engulfed with hundreds of tiny black ants. I closed my eyes for a second then opened them thinking maybe, just maybe I had fallen asleep for a minute and this was all in my head (hey falling asleep while commuting to work is a perk of public transportation). I opened my eyes and my leg was still covered by hundreds of moving creatures.

Photo by Onur Yu00dcKSEL on Pexels.com

The stuff nightmares are made of- oh wait I’m actually awake.

I took a deep breath to assess the situation. In my head I kept telling myself “don’t scream don’t scream don’t scream don’t react don’t move don’t do anything”. I didn’t dare draw attention to myself.

Thankfully, no one was sitting in the aisle next to me or behind me or in front of me. Confident that none of the other passengers had a view of me, I quickly rifled through my backpack (which was sitting on the otherside of me on the non ant infested side) and pulled the cardboard backing from a spiral notebook I had tucked away and starting scraping the ants off my leg and onto the ground.

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

Who knew this doubles as a tool to fling ants off oneself?

I quietly stepped on whatever ants were immediately underfoot, but I recognized that I was grossly outnumbered. While I succeeded in scraping the ants off me, they were now pooling around in the seat next to me and milling around on the floor. I had to escape the ants.

I had to time this in a way so that none of the other passengers would notice I changed seats. We were quickly approaching the park and ride- that would be my window to move, but I’d have to do it before any passengers at the park and ride boarded. I quiety slid my backpack on while fanning the ants in the seat next to me to avoid them crawling back on me.

As the bus pulled up to the curb I saw there were only 2 passengers waiting to board. There were 3 passengers sitting towards the front, but only one passenger sitting in a row ahead of me but behind the other passengers. As the bus pulled up, I quietly slid out of the seat, and stealthily moved up 4 rows from where I was. The one passenger I had to pass had their eyes glued to their phone. Success. I made it into the seat undetected before any new passengers boarded. I felt home free.

Settled into my new seat, I took a deep breath. I didn’t know what to do. Should I tell the bus driver? If I do, what do I say?

  • “Hi Mr. Bus Driver, I apparently boarded the bus full of ants which no one seemed to notice and now the back of the bus is infested.”
  • “There are ants back there- for all I know they were there already there when I sat down.” This actually entered my mind- where the ants already there? Was it a coincidence that I was fixated on ants at my bus stop? Did someone else bring ants on the bus?
  • “Ein bus ait ‘ants’?” I’m pretty sure the driver didn’t know German but technically I could inform the driver of ants this way.

Then what? Would the driver kick me off the bus? Would I be banned? Would the driver make everyone deboard to wait for another bus? On the outside I sat cool as a cucumber smiling while wearing my sunglasses. On the inside I was panicking. I imagined myself in an interrogation room at the bus company being questioned by a surly bus driver demanding to know how the ants got there. I don’t even know if such a thing exists but my mind created that image at that moment.

The bus pulled away and conitnued to sit there with a stupid grin on my face. After we’d been on the freeway for about five minutes, I looked down and saw… about 5 ants. DAMN!!! The ants were slowly trickling forward. I quietly smushed every ant I saw with my foot. I felt like I was playing a video game in slow motion. About a line of 5-6 six at a time would slowly move forward from under my seat. I’d kill those, only for another round of 5-6 to appear.

Photo by Francesco Ungaro on Pexels.com

It was like playing a slo-mo live action game of Space Invaders.

This was all nerve wracking and went on for 20 minutes. As the bus drove up the exit ramp and waited at the light, one passenger from the park and ride walked up to the driver.

“Hi- there are a TON of ants in the back of the bus”.

Oh crap – I could feel my throat closing up. I was about to be busted. I thought for sure someone would remember where I was when I boarded. I stopped breathing as the bus driver reacted to this news…

By shrugging his shoulders and saying “oh ok”. And then the light went green and the bus driver continued on with the route. The. bus. driver. did. nothing. No reaction. Did not care.

I deboarded at the stop before my typical stop. I just wanted off of that bus. When I stepped off, I waited for the bus to drive away before shaking my backpack and patting down my pant legs, shaking my feet and just making sure none of those little monsters were attached to me. I could not believe I was a hot mess for the past 35 minutes, desperately plotting escape from the ants while also fretting that I’d be banned for life from riding the bus and all the while the authority figure on the bus gave zero cares that the bus was about to be overtaken by ants from outerspace (okay yes I’m exaggerating at this one).

When I got to my office I stared at a blank monitor for five minutes before realizing I had not docked my computer. I was relieved to be at my desk not covered in ant bites but I was still traumatized by the ride into work. Thankfully, the bus ride home was uneventful- the bus I boarded home was not the same bus and it was a different driver. Normally I’d cap this with a lesson learned but – I really don’t know that I learned anything except don’t get covered in ants before boarding public transportation.

Have you ever been covered in ants? Or any other type of bug? Or encountered ants on the bus? Do tell!