Like This But Different

Posted on August 7, 2024 by Nicole

Daily writing prompt

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

I imagine my life in an alternate universe would be similar to the Futurama Episode “The Farnsworth Parabox” wherein the Planet Delivery crew encounters their counterparts in an alternate universe. The lives of their counterparts are similar, differentiated only by decisions made through a coin toss.

Coin Toss Outcomes

In the alternate universe, the coin toss had the opposite outcome, thereby all decisions made by the alternate universe Planet Delivery crew were the exact opposite of the “regular universe” Planet Delivery Crew.

Photo source: https://futurama.fandom.com/wiki/The_Farnsworth_Parabox

A blue Zoidberg and a gold Bender? Not a universe I want to be in.

I don’t live in NYC in the year 3000, so I’m not by any means saying my life would be anything like life depicted in Futurama. Rather my assumption is that an alternate universe is a slight aberration from the universe we know. That things would be similar enough to recognize just off center. It’s really hard to speculate what this version of me would look like (since I already seem to walk the line between personality types as it is).

Following the Futurama model, the difference would be something like:

-When the electric company offered to give me a free tree for my yard I’d have chosen a Willow Acacia instead of a Desert Willow.

-I would have graduated college in 4 years instead of 5 and probably be one year closer to the grave because I would have had one more year in the workforce than I do now instead of spending that extra year ditching my classes and leaving my campus job early to go wander around the mall (we still have a few that are alive and kicking), take 2 hour lunch breaks then go watch reruns of Most Extreme Challenge with my bestie at the time before doing some actual homework.

-Or maybe I would have been a slightly less curious 4 year old and decide not to dismantle my family’s new CD player which lead to me getting my hand stuck in said CD player which permanently disfigured my right middle finger. Which sounds boring- I think I’d miss the slight scar that faintly lines the area under the nail bed.

From this perspective, discussing the alternate universe isn’t that interesting at all!

This is what a CD player would look like in an alternate universe. Forget Sony or Panasonic- the Dot brand ruled the compact disc player market in my alternate existence.

The IRL Alternate Universe Experience

I’ve been crafting this post off and on all afternoon and evening. In between piecing this ~~disaster of a~~ post together, I also had some brief discussions about high school reunions. I’d rather not discuss why that topic popped, other than to say it’s a constant topic in my household right now. And in thinking back to my one high school reunion, it was my taste of life in an alternate universe.

Before I crap on this experience, let me say I didn’t hate high school, but I didn’t love it either. It was very “meh”. To me it just felt like a holding pattern I had to endure before I could enter the sunny skies and grassy lawns of university life. I floated between social groups on campus as my actual friends went to different high schools all over the eastern part of the county.

I debated whether I should go. My mom somehow convinced me to attend. She had a completely different high school experience so to her, why wouldn’t I go? Against my better judgment I bought a ticket. Since I sunk $40 into this, now I had to go.

First, out of a graduating class of approximately 1250 students, I’d say maybe 300 showed up. There were 3 feeder junior high schools that comprised my high school. Of the people I associated with, they all went to 2 of the 3 junior high schools. So guess which junior high most of the attendees were from… just take a big guess.

Throughout the ~~2 arduous hours I could stomach~~ evening, I recognized 6 people. SIX. At one point, I wondered if I had attended some other high school’s reunion. Or maybe it was my high school but the wrong year. But no, the signage everywhere listed the correct high school and graduation year.

To add insult to injury, this one overly enthusiatic women who I’ll call Lindsey because I do not remember her name walked up to me had the audacity to ask me”are you sure you were part of our class? Why don’t I know you?”

To be fair I had no effing clue who she was either but I still – I found her remark to be rude but I decided to have some fun with this. I told her I ran into some trouble with during my junior year and had to finish out my high school career via correspondence courses as I was in the witness protection program until my first year in college. The look on her face was priceless.

During the dinner, which thankfully the food make up for the $40 I sunk into this evening, a video presentation ran in the background. I recognized the backdrop of my school but I didn’t recognize ANYONE in any of the photos shown in the presentation.

I stayed maybe 20 minutes after eating dinner and called it a night. I stayed long enough to say I’d attended but I couldn’t wait to leave. I managed to make small talk witht the handful of people I did recognize but I had zero things in common with any of these people that even the small talk was pure torture.

I felt so uncomforable the whole time I was there, that it definitely felt like an alternate universe! Kinda like- what would this school had been like had I not gone there. The memories I had of high school were nonexistent at that reunion. It was definitely a bizarre experience. I like to say I’ll never say never, but I can confidently say I’ll never go to another high school reunion!

The Off Hours

Posted on August 4, 2024 by Nicole

List 30 things that make you happy.

Taking Paid Time Off (PTO).
Taking PTO to stay home and do nothing – er- work on various personal projects.
Taking PTO to shop during the weekday and avoid people.
Taking PTO to visit outdoor spaces in my area.
Taking PTO to discover new things.
Taking PTO to sleep in past 5am.
Taking PTO to spend time with family and friends. Pets included.
Taking PTO to dig holes in my yard. No correlation to item 7.
Taking PTO to sit quietly in my yard. Or swim.
Weekends.

Multiply the above by 3. Done.

***Yeah it’s a real sacrifice to stay home and spend time in my yard.***

Photo Friday: Faux Birds in the Sky

Posted on August 2, 2024 by Nicole

Daily writing prompt

What are you curious about?

View all responses

During a recent walk through my local convention center I looked upward and noticed faux bird and clouds/sky hanging throughout the expanse of the food court.

I *think* I get what the vision was here, but the size of each piece seems rather small; the sky/cloud pieces especially should be larger in my opinion.

I’m curious if whomever came up with the idea- if the execution was as intended.

I’m curious if it’s weird to eat your meals under a fake sky with fake birds.

Lastly, I’m curious if when this food court is open and hopping, if convention attendees even notice the fake birds and sky adorning the ceiling?!

Sidenote: The “featured image” you may have saw in the WP Reader was WP’s AI generated image.

While the “sky” and “clouds” are more noticeable, this looks like bird wings hanging from the ceiling, instead of the representation of a full bird. Verdict, this is even creepier than the actual installation.

Do you have any public spaces in your area with *curious* adornments? Drop a note in the comments below.

HOUSEKEEPING

Unfrazzled Analyst is now on Instagram. Feel free to follow and check out bite sized versions of the posts you see here.

A Typical Commute to the Office

Posted on July 30, 2024 by Nicole

Daily writing prompt

Was today typical?

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What is a typical day? Is up down? Why ask why? All kidding aside, this is an interesting question for me because something I’ve come to realize is that each week reveals itself to have its own personality, and within each week, the seven days in between feel typical compared within that week, but can very easily feel atypical when compared to another week.

Even the magic 8 ball is against me. “Is today a typical day?” “My sources say no.”

If this all sounds convoluted- it is! One of the reasons I blog is to document my “mundane” experiences – because apparently my “mundane” experiences sound made up. If only! The expression truth is stranger than fiction definitely applies to my everyday living.

Rather than describe my current day, I’ve opted to talk about one of my commuter experiences from 2021 that was typically atypical for me. It was August, and was reporting for duty into the office a few days a week after being comfortably productive nearly 18 months in a magical palace I call “home”.

At this point, it was week 3 of going into the office. As I stood at the side of the busy road, waiting in the hot (90 degrees at 7am) and relatively humid rays of the early morning August sun, I thought “what better time of year to start commuting again.”

Nothing wakes me up faster than gasoline fumes from passing cars amidst the beaming sunlight of a typical August morning.

While standing at the bus stop, I noticed an ant hill near me. Great. I paced around to avoid the ants. Last thing I needed was to have ants crawl up me. As I paced, one of my neighbors who works for the county walked up- let’s call him Gene. Gene walked up and expressed joy that he had not missed the bus.

“I ran like hell yesterday because the bus driver showed up 5 minutes early”. Luckily for Gene, I recently discovered that the local bus company now had an app that could track where the bus was in real time. I demonstrated the app to Gene and forgot about pacing around to avoid the ants. Before I knew it, the bus was here.

During the “before” time, I would have been lucky to board at this point as the bus was usually packed by the time we reached the park and ride- the last stop before heading into the freeway. During the “return to office that only my company and a handful of county offices seemed to enforce in 2021” time, it was pretty much myself, Gene and maybe 3-4 other people on the bus ride into work. Which meant I could sit anywhere and be far away from anyone.

I plopped down in a seat towards the back of the bus. As the bus pulled away from the stop, I glanced down at my sneakers and noticed a handful of ants crawling around on my shoelaces. I quickly brushed them off with my hand. At that point I figured I must have stood too close to the ant hill when I wasn’t pacing around. No big deal – just a few ants.

I then turned my head towards my left leg and froze in absolute terror- my pant leg was engulfed with hundreds of tiny black ants. I closed my eyes for a second then opened them thinking maybe, just maybe I had fallen asleep for a minute and this was all in my head (hey falling asleep while commuting to work is a perk of public transportation). I opened my eyes and my leg was still covered by hundreds of moving creatures.

The stuff nightmares are made of- oh wait I’m actually awake.

I took a deep breath to assess the situation. In my head I kept telling myself “don’t scream don’t scream don’t scream don’t react don’t move don’t do anything”. I didn’t dare draw attention to myself.

Thankfully, no one was sitting in the aisle next to me or behind me or in front of me. Confident that none of the other passengers had a view of me, I quickly rifled through my backpack (which was sitting on the otherside of me on the non ant infested side) and pulled the cardboard backing from a spiral notebook I had tucked away and starting scraping the ants off my leg and onto the ground.

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

Who knew this doubles as a tool to fling ants off oneself?

I quietly stepped on whatever ants were immediately underfoot, but I recognized that I was grossly outnumbered. While I succeeded in scraping the ants off me, they were now pooling around in the seat next to me and milling around on the floor. I had to escape the ants.

I had to time this in a way so that none of the other passengers would notice I changed seats. We were quickly approaching the park and ride- that would be my window to move, but I’d have to do it before any passengers at the park and ride boarded. I quiety slid my backpack on while fanning the ants in the seat next to me to avoid them crawling back on me.

As the bus pulled up to the curb I saw there were only 2 passengers waiting to board. There were 3 passengers sitting towards the front, but only one passenger sitting in a row ahead of me but behind the other passengers. As the bus pulled up, I quietly slid out of the seat, and stealthily moved up 4 rows from where I was. The one passenger I had to pass had their eyes glued to their phone. Success. I made it into the seat undetected before any new passengers boarded. I felt home free.

Settled into my new seat, I took a deep breath. I didn’t know what to do. Should I tell the bus driver? If I do, what do I say?

“Hi Mr. Bus Driver, I apparently boarded the bus full of ants which no one seemed to notice and now the back of the bus is infested.”
“There are ants back there- for all I know they were there already there when I sat down.” This actually entered my mind- where the ants already there? Was it a coincidence that I was fixated on ants at my bus stop? Did someone else bring ants on the bus?
“Ein bus ait ‘ants’?” I’m pretty sure the driver didn’t know German but technically I could inform the driver of ants this way.

Then what? Would the driver kick me off the bus? Would I be banned? Would the driver make everyone deboard to wait for another bus? On the outside I sat cool as a cucumber smiling while wearing my sunglasses. On the inside I was panicking. I imagined myself in an interrogation room at the bus company being questioned by a surly bus driver demanding to know how the ants got there. I don’t even know if such a thing exists but my mind created that image at that moment.

The bus pulled away and conitnued to sit there with a stupid grin on my face. After we’d been on the freeway for about five minutes, I looked down and saw… about 5 ants. DAMN!!! The ants were slowly trickling forward. I quietly smushed every ant I saw with my foot. I felt like I was playing a video game in slow motion. About a line of 5-6 six at a time would slowly move forward from under my seat. I’d kill those, only for another round of 5-6 to appear.

It was like playing a slo-mo live action game of Space Invaders.

This was all nerve wracking and went on for 20 minutes. As the bus drove up the exit ramp and waited at the light, one passenger from the park and ride walked up to the driver.

“Hi- there are a TON of ants in the back of the bus”.

Oh crap – I could feel my throat closing up. I was about to be busted. I thought for sure someone would remember where I was when I boarded. I stopped breathing as the bus driver reacted to this news…

By shrugging his shoulders and saying “oh ok”. And then the light went green and the bus driver continued on with the route. The. bus. driver. did. nothing. No reaction. Did not care.

I deboarded at the stop before my typical stop. I just wanted off of that bus. When I stepped off, I waited for the bus to drive away before shaking my backpack and patting down my pant legs, shaking my feet and just making sure none of those little monsters were attached to me. I could not believe I was a hot mess for the past 35 minutes, desperately plotting escape from the ants while also fretting that I’d be banned for life from riding the bus and all the while the authority figure on the bus gave zero cares that the bus was about to be overtaken by ants from outerspace (okay yes I’m exaggerating at this one).

When I got to my office I stared at a blank monitor for five minutes before realizing I had not docked my computer. I was relieved to be at my desk not covered in ant bites but I was still traumatized by the ride into work. Thankfully, the bus ride home was uneventful- the bus I boarded home was not the same bus and it was a different driver. Normally I’d cap this with a lesson learned but – I really don’t know that I learned anything except don’t get covered in ants before boarding public transportation.

Have you ever been covered in ants? Or any other type of bug? Or encountered ants on the bus? Do tell!

Office Chair Glow Up

Posted on July 24, 2024 by Nicole

Daily writing prompt

What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?

View all responses

One strategy: improving people’s workspaces when they are away from their desk.

Background Noise

Posted on July 21, 2024 by Nicole

Daily writing prompt

What do you listen to while you work?

View all responses

Noise is an underrated topic for the working world. Depending on your work environment, the type of noise that permeates through your workspace can vary from the drone of electric tools to the bustling sounds of a cafe.

I’ve always worked in an office environment. I’ve spent many years ~~trapped~~ volutarily located in the confines of floors in buildings of downtown areas. What I’ve learned over the years is it takes immense patience to work around ~~people you’d probably slam the door on if they showed up at your house~~ other people.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
***I’ve never had an office that looked this modern. My current office is outfitted by office furniture another company in the building was going to throw away.***

For my entire career as an office worker, I’ve had some type of hybrid or alternative work schedule. The difference between the past 4 years and the “before” time (we all know what I’m talking about here) is that the days in office vs. remote are flipped. Before- I was in office 4 days a week, and at home 1 day a week on average. After, well you get the gist.

I still commute to an office a couple of days a week to ~~keep up appearances~~ , ~~because the company said so~~, be a “team player”. ~~even though in my current role I have no real reason to be there.~~ It’s ok because ~~I get to waste more time getting “the scoop” from selected co-workers in the office and go for long walks in the area~~ it gives me a change of scenery each week. Nevertheless, when I’m in the office it still requires patience to focus amidst other people’s noise.

I live in a different city from where I work so I can walk through construction zones for a change from my quiet tree lined neighborhood.

I had different office jobs throughout my college career, but the REAL adjustment came into play in after I completed my master’s degree and stepped into my first analyst job. This was the first job where I had to really concentrate on the work- it was mentally taxing.

The type of troubleshooting I had to do required more thought and diplomacy than I was used to on my other jobs. I was a budget analyst at a large state agency and errors in calculations had consequences.

Now, I don’t know if I took the job too seriously or if the others in my office didn’t care, but I was stuck with 2 co-workers in particular, let’s call them Helene and Kara- that TALKED LOUDLY ALL DAY. EVERYDAY. ABOUT EVERY MINUTE OF THEIR LIFE IN THE OFFICE AND OUTSIDE.

Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com
***Do you have this guy as your co-worker? It’s fun isn’t it, trying to get work done with the office bullhorn in your presence.***

Oh- and lucky me, because they did a alternate work schedule of working 8- 9 hour days in a row to get every other Monday off, they were usually in the office by 7:30am and already knee deep in conversation by the time I rolled in at 7:45am.

A typical morning was something like this:

“Oh Helene- may I offer you some pop- corny corn?” Cue INSANE LAUGHTER FROM BOTH.

“OMG Kara that is one of the BEST Doug Heffernon lines”. (Note: I had not seen an episode of King of Queens at this time to know WTH they were talking about).

“Ok Helene, this is your week to take care of Seamus! Here you go”. (Seamus was a leprechaun pen they played with in the office. Yes these were grown ass women that cared for a leprechaun pen. Don’t worry there will be a post about this in the future.)

“Kara, when are you going to join my Zumba class?” (Helene taught Zumba classes in addition to this day job).

“Oh, I’ll aim for this Wednesday. I just got a phone # from the new guy on my bus route, and that’s a perfect first date.” (Idk what bus route she took- I never had that kind of experience riding the bus all these years).

“That’s perfect, I have five spots left and I”m trying to fill them up”.

“What time is it?”

“Eight thirty- is it too early for a snack run?”

“Yes, let’s go in an hour.”

“OMG guess who I ran into?”

“Who?”

“That lady with the eyebrows that used to work down the hall?”

“OMG does she still pencil in her eyebrows like its halloween?”

“Girl and then some”.

AND IT WENT ON AND ON LIKE THIS ALL DAY LONG. I didn’t have control over the background noise and it was frustrating as hell. There were no TVs in the office, so I had to rely on music. Thankfully, I had received a free iPod for joining my school’s alumni association. It had still been sitting in the box- my second week on the job I tore open that box and got to work filling it up with music.

Fast forward to today. I have no clue what happened to Kara and Helene, but I continued to have my share of Kara and Helenes in the office over the years. I still don’t understand how I had patience to ~~not snap and strangle them all~~ zone out the din. But somehow I managed. I’m fortunate that now I have a dedicated home office which makes it convenient to control noise. And because I have an office at the office complete with a TV, I can shut the door and just leave the TV on to drown out the Kara and Helenes of today.

Serenity Now!

But for those of you stuck with sitting out in a cubicle or open workspace with such ~~inconsiderate~~ delightful co-workers, get yourself a good pair of headphones and find the background noise you can control. And know that I feel for you!

Saturday Prompt

Posted on July 20, 2024 by Nicole

What’s your go-to comfort food?

Food for thought.

Quiet space to think inside a not so quiet space (local hospital). March 2024.

Photo Friday: Two Gardens and a Zine Walk into a Blog and… End up Somewhere Else

Posted on July 18, 2024 by Nicole

Preface

I recently posted these photos and zine as four separate posts on a different blog…

Sound confusing? Well it is.

Since the beginning of this year, I’ve wanted to start fresh with a new site and be more intentional vs my initial go round blogging from 2011-2014. So in June I did start fresh and built a new site where I was going to be more serious. And I started posting things.

In digging through my WordPress account, I found this blog that you’re reading now.

And … cue face palm.

Photo by Monstera Production on Pexels.com

I forgot I had this blog. And reading back through the contents, I was like – this is my true voice. Actually I created this blog as a complement to my main one back in 2012 because the main blog was focused on sharing the interesting and weird stuff I photographed in my area, in addition to sharing snippets of writing I was working on at the time. This blog was my sarcastic side- the “let me make fun of the absurd.”

The reality is, my true voice is somewhere between my two original blogs. But there’s no reason I can’t do it all in one spot. So I’m going with this one.

However, I already posted some cool photos on the other blog so rather than a simple reblog of those posts, I’m making ONE BIG POST mashing together the photos I posted on the other blog and now all my current content is in one place because I can. :-p

So here goes…

The ZINE

You can download a PDF copy here or from the DOWNLOADS page.

Below is the Digital Edition…

Garden 1: Japanese Friendship Garden/Rohohen: Phoenix, AZ

So now that you’ve seen the ZINE, below are some photos of the Japanese Friendship Garden, also known as Rohohen. Prior to November 2021, I’d never visited the gardens. I ended up here after registering for a weekend writing class through the Phoenix Arts Center. The class was focused on using nature and meditiation to generate written work. Having been to various writing workshops and conferences over the years, this was by far my favorite workshop.

The entire workshop was conducted at the garden over two morning sessions (9am-noon). Both days, we were given time to wander the garden on our own, encouraged to sit and observe, meditate.

After a specified amount of time, the class of 10 plus the instructor would converge on the lawn where we’d discuss our observations, read short pieces on nature and then write based on prompts given to us by the instructor.

We’d then share pieces of our writing to the class. It was a very positive experience!

One drawback is that our class did not stay in touch. One of our classmates did send out a group email after class to see if anyone would like to have regular meet ups at the garden for future writing sprints. Although some of us responded, nothing ever came of it.

I have found it hard to locate a writer’s group – either in person or virutally- but in the meantime I’ve continued to find smaller events/opportunities such as this workshop to keep me motivated and inspired – to move forward with my craft.

I did generate many pieces of writing during this workshop. Last year, I began to sift through my scribblings from this weekend. As a result, I created the zine referenced above to highlight some of my writing from this weekend.

One thing I reference in the zine is an apartment complex that overlooks the garden, as seen in the photo above.

If you are ever in the Phoenix area, I’d encourage you to visit this spot! Despite a nearby festival intruding upon the serenity of the garden on the second day, the garden is truly a hidden treasure in the city.

Garden 2: Vizcaya Gardens, Miami FL

Taken March 2015 at Vizcaya Gardens, Miami Florida overlooking Biscayne Bay. It’s a historic estate that was owned by some bigwhig from the 1800s but has many antiques as well as actual gardens. Definitely worth checking out if you’re in the Miami area.

QUESTIONS:

Questions for you!!!

Do you have a favorite spot in your area that provides serenity from the din of city?
Do you have a community around one of your hobbies or creative pursuits? If so, how did you find your community?

Please drop a note in the comments below!

Why Certainly I Know…

Posted on July 14, 2024 by Nicole

Daily writing prompt

List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain.

View all responses

10. I’m absolutely certain that the square root of 4 is 2.

9. I’m absolutely certain that every 10 seconds, another 10 seconds has passed.

8. I’m absolutely certain that I’ll never visit the Republic of Cabo Verde because the idea of being surrounded simultaneously by water and volcanoes is not my idea of a good time.

7. I’m absolutely certain I’ll use the restroom today.

6. I’m absolutely certain that my yard contains dirt.

Also- contains grasshoppers in the summertime.

5. I’m absolutely certain that I’ll be uncertain about some things.

4. I’m absolutely certain that despite my best efforts, pockets of uncertainty will cause anxiety and I’ll have to remind myself not to get all stressed out over unimportant things.

Let’s keep things in perspective. If you die on the job, you’ll be forgotten by next week.

3. I’m absolutely certain that Garfield the Cat hates Mondays. As does most of the working world.

2. I’m absolutely certain that “the sun will come up, tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar
that tomorrow there’ll be sun.” I’m not into musical theater but even I know this song lyric and hey, it speaks truth.

Yes this is a sunset, not a sunrise, but the sun has to set before it can rise again. Also, this was my first attempt at painting last year. I’m certainly not a professional but it was fun painting this.