Let’s settle something important: what’s the most unhinged “quick request” you’ve ever received at work.
I’ll go first.
Way back yonder in the late aughts, I was working in publishing as a sales analyst. I walked into my cube at 7:40 a.m., sat down, and hit the power button on my computer. At 7:41 a.m. before the Windows startup chime had even finished, my boss, the Director of Advertising Operations, was hovering over me asking if I had his report ready for his 8 a.m. meeting.
Um, what?
He confidently informed me he’d sent the request “yesterday at 4:45 p.m.” In my head I’m thinking: fabulous. Right when I was shutting down, on a day I skipped lunch, that’s what I get for trying to leave fifteen minutes early. But once my email finally loaded… nothing. Not a single message from him.
“Oh, I probably forgot to send it,” he said. Of course.
Then he launched into a breathless list of demands: quickly put together a schedule of YTD net revenue, profit, and distribution numbers for the entire magazine division, by month, “just pull it straight from the financials.” He was pacing, no… stomping, in circles while giving instructions, and then stood directly over my shoulder watching me click, type, and pray.
I’m digging through my P&L folder for a template I can tweak, trying to modify cube names at lightning speed, refreshing data, typing a header so the sheet at least resembles a report… and he’s still hovering. As soon as the numbers populate, he barks at me to print five copies because his meeting starts in five minutes and “THE PUBLISHER” i.e. the CEO, Head of Bad Decisions, will be there.
I send it to the printer. He sprints, snatches each page as it comes out, and scuttles off to his BIG MEETING.
After that charming start to my day, I took a bathroom break followed by a coffee break followed by a moment of silence for my sanity.
Two hours later, an email from Mr. Bigshot Director of Advertising Operations lands in my inbox. I’m thinking maybe, just maybe, a thank you? A nod of appreciation? A crumb of humanity?
Nope.
Subject line: Expectations.
The body: “Nicole, the analysis you put together this morning was technically correct and was the information I requested. Unfortunately, you neglected to add a footer with the time, date, and title of the document. This is a basic expectation I have of my team which you unfortunately did not meet. I expect you to follow this protocol in the future.”
I’d been in that role over a year. I wasn’t some newbie barely onboarding. And 99.9% of everything I’d produced up to that point had this precious all-important footer. Except for today.
After that nonsense, I made an executive decision to take an extra-long lunch break.
Now it’s your turn.
Drop your best “quick request” in the comments. The more chaotic, the better. Bonus points if the requester used the phrase “shouldn’t take long.”
I survived. My coffee survived. The footer did not.
Unfrazzled Analyst 